Lay Down Your Sword

Lay down your sword.

That’s what Spirit told me. 

In a flash, I saw how I was always armed, always ready to fight, always ready to go to war with anyone who I perceived was threatening me. And a perceived threat can be anything from a look to a statement I find offensive to a criticism of me. 

I had a social function that I was not looking forward to. I knew there would be someone there who I believed didn't like me and who I therefore felt threatened by. And I was making up all kinds of possible negative interactions that might occur and how I would respond, how I would protect myself, how I would stand up for myself. 

I have heard many times over the years that this is not the spiritual way. But the usual advice to “let it go” has not always been helpful to me. Especially when I’m in the middle of a situation, “let it go” is not always possible.

Luckily, I have learned that Spirit can be helpful. So I asked what I should do.

“Lay down your sword" was their answer.

I went to the function, and I was amazed at how perfect those words were. Every time I felt threatened, I heard the words in my head, and I immediately relaxed. It was almost magical!

I continued to hear those words whenever I started imagining negative interactions with others. It is ridiculous how often this happens! I can get upset thinking about calling the cable company, thinking about running into an ex-husband (which never happens), thinking about someone who did not pick up after their dog. In a 30 minute walk around my neighborhood I can have three or four imaginary fights! It is insane!

I really do always have a fight brewing inside me. 

But hearing “lay down your sword” has helped me become aware of it. And stop it in its tracks.

The more I used this, though, the more I realized that I am not just armed for a fight against outside attack. 

I use the sword against myself.

A lot.

Every time I tell myself that I’m not good enough, that I’m stupid, that I’m ugly; every time I beat myself up over something that happened years ago, I am using the sword against myself. Negative self-talk is insidious and damaging, and although I knew I did it, I was not aware of the degree to which I allow it. 

Becoming aware of this is huge. My imagined responses to imagined threats and negative self-talk are not helpful or healthy. They prevent me from living in the present moment, feeling peace, being happy. They affect my mental, emotional and physical well-being.

So I’ve been laying down my sword quite often. And it feels good. 

Maybe one day I will be able to lay it down and walk away forever.